Are you becoming Thai?

Tell tale signs of becoming Thai
by Bangkok Mouth


Have you forgotten your roots and become Thai? How long has it taken Thailand to convert you?





Checklist for becoming Thai

  • Wear a smart suit with lime green flip-flops
  • Ask a person where they have been when they are carrying 6 Robinsons shopping bags.
  • Use the expression ‘Lot Tit’ (traffic is bad) more than 20 times in the same day.
  • Go swimming with all your clothes on
  • Put sugar on the sweetest fruit
  • Carry your bus fare in your ear
  • Watch a whole movie through the window of a video shop
  • Stand at a bus stop, but run towards the bus when it appears on the horizon
  • Irritate everyone on the sky-train by talking loudly on your mobile phone and saying ‘khap’ or ‘kha’ a lot
  • Actually start smiling while watching a game show on TV
  • Enjoy looking at other people’s crappy holiday photos
  • Carry a little poodle around the supermarket
  • Stand in the express checkout line at the supermarket with enough shopping to feed an army
  • Buy the largest box of popcorn physically possible, and go into the movie theatre ten minutes after the film starts.
  • Spend 5 hours choosing a lottery ticket
  • Read all the books and magazines in a book-shop before deciding not to buy anything
  • Listen to the TV or radio about 10 decibels louder than it needs to be
  • Cover your head with a sheet of soggy newspaper during a rain-storm
  • Order a Big Mac, large french fries, massive Coke, and an ice-cream, and only finish the ice-cream
  • Walk on the footpath as slowly as you can in a zig-zag pattern
  • Produce about 50 different kinds of plastic at a supermarket check-out before realising the one you want is still at home
  • Dilute your whisky with enough soda to render it virtually colorless
  • Stand at the mouth of an escalator and have an in-depth conversation
  • Get into an elevator before everyone else gets out
  • Order the hottest dish on a menu, and then spend the next ten minutes telling everyone dining with you how hot it is
  • Put a toilet roll in a gaudy looking box on the coffee table instead of up in the kharsi
  • Stand around and gawp at a supermarket display of shampoo because there’s 2 baht off
  • Manage to fall asleep on the washing line
  • Adopt the same routine for 52 weekends a year
  • Pride yourself on not knowing where the southern bus terminal is
  • Or where Malaysia is
  • Own a tape cassette collection of 120 tapes, of which 119 of them are soundtracks
  • Have posters on your wall which include two babies kissing each other, and one of that tennis girl scratching her arse
  • Park your car in the living room of your shop-house
  • Organise a trip to Pattaya, which includes a guitar, an enormous ice-box, and five people who all turn up three hours late


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