Thai List's Jokes Part 2
Speaking of smells ...
Subject: So, this rabbit walks into a pub....
A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman 'Can I have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please?'
The barman is amazed but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie. The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie, he then leaves. The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub (because word gets round) gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie. The rabbit consumes them and
The next night, the pub is packed, in walks the rabbit and says 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.' The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down. The next night there is standing room only in the pub, coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending, the barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year.
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman', smiling and accepting the tributes of the masses. The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties.'
The rabbit looks aghast, the crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it?' The masses bated breath is ear shatteringly silent. The barman, with a rougish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends, I know you'll love
'Ok' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a Pint of Beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie, he then waves to the crowd and leaves. NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!
One year later in the now impoverished public house, the barman (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his) calls time. When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar. The barman says, 'Who are you?'
To which he is answered, 'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'
The barman says, 'I remember you, you made me famous, you would come in every night and have a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, masses came to see you and this place was famous.'
The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'
The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties, you had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'
The rabbit said 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.'
The barman said 'You never came back, after that fateful night. What happened?'
'I DIED', said the Rabbit.
'B*gger' said the barman, 'what from?'.
After a short pause. The rabbit said... 'Mixing Me Toasties.'
two tramps sitting on a park bench, one sniffs and says to the other
have you just shit?
no he replies,
pull down your pants and let me see,
so he pulls down his pants and there's a huge smelly turd,
i thought you said you hadn't just shit,
he replied, i haven't thats yesterdays
Two queers chatting ...
|Years gon by when Sainsbury's grocer's were tradesmen who would
wear straw hats and striped aprons. Henry, a normally Quiet man
who never talked about work when was at home, explained to his
loving wife that his store had been blessed with a new bacon slicer.
Little by little did he explain to her the merits, magnificence,
and outstanding beauty of this new slicer. Eventually she demanded
to know what it was that was so interesting that he never shut up
about the subject. OH , Oh , Well ER UM , do you know, He said,
I would realy like to put my dick in that slicer. O K. said his
wife you can if you like. Are you sure that you wont mind he asked;
'not at all' she insisted it will serve you right.
The next day he unexpectedly returned home mid afternoon
and explained that he had been sacked for doing what she told
him to do. Did you realy put your dick in the bacon slicer she asked
'yes' he said, and you realy got the sack. Yes he answered again.
Well she asked, what happened to the bacon slicer. Oh!
she was sacked as well.
Which of course reminds me of when my somewhat unstable pal,
|A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.
"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute steal at only £20."
"Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks.
"Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity".
"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded, and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot".
So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home.
Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman. "F**k me, a new brothel and a new madam".
"I'm not a madam and this is not a brothel" scolds the woman trying not to laugh.
A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home.
"Un f**king-believable. A new brothel, a new madam, and now two new prostitutes" says the parrot when he sees the daughters.
"Mum, tell your parrot to shut up, we're not prostitutes" complain the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.
A short while later, the woman's husband Dave comes home.
"In-f**king-credible, a new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes, but the same old clients. How ya doin', Dave?"
Build Me a Bridge
Good old boy Boudreaux grew up in Louisiana Cajun country. He was
Bush and the Queen at London Heathrow, a 300-foot long red carpet
|From my South African cousin,
"Hey Sipho! I have a cow for you for just R500!"
"E yoh, Bongani! I'll take it - you can bring it to me tomorrow!"
The next day: "Sorry Sipho, but the cow died last night."
"Hauw.. So, ok then. Just give me my money back."
"Sorry Sipho, I did already spent that money.."
"Eish! So, ok then. Just bring me the dead cow."
So, Bongani brought the dead cow to Sipho the next morning.
A few weeks later, Bongani bumped into Sipho and asked him what he did
with the dead cow:
"You won't believe, Bongani! I made a raffle for the cow,
and I sold 251 tickets for R5 each! I made a profit of R850! But, I
didn't tell anyone the cow was dead.."
"Yoh! And the people they didn't complain?"
"Eish! Only the guy which won! So, I gave him back his R5
and he was happy!"
Sipho is now in parliament ..
Thought for the day
For the Football fans
A whore got married and was worried that after 10 years on the game she would be a bit loose in the box, so on her wedding night she was just about to guide her new man in when she says "when I was young I caught my fanny on a fence and slipped so I might seem a little wide down there". After two hours the new hubby stops and say's "just how far were you accross the field when you noticed you were caught?"
After digging to a depth of 1,000 metres last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1,000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network 1,000 years ago.
I am writing to you to warn you of something that happened to me as I am a
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
At a meeting with Queen Elizabeth, George W. Bush turned to
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